Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
pray to the hookup gods
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
