My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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