and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
