do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
