imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize