put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
