He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
