i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize