Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
