Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
