im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
