mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize