At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
