I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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