Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
