Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
