her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
