Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
