You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
