Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize