I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize