He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
