He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
