idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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