just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
