There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
