i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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