Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
