fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
