SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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