Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
