You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
