That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
