Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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