I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
