So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
