cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
