there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
