You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
