Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
It's Friday. Sex?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
