she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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