Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
