I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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