New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
