Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
