The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
