I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I got inside last night via doggy door
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
