went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Randomize
