Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
