We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize