I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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