he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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