Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize