I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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