I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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