I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
