I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize