She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
