I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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