oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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