he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
