how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Come see our sink grown plant.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize