Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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