I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize