he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
